Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
