Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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