just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
