I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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