Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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