Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize