I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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