White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
