In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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