nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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