Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
