What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
