i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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