Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
