next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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