Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There r osticjed everywhere
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
