I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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