Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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