My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
