I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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