Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
