are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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