I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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