there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
