and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
