I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
