woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
