I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
