i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
