i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
