I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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