It's Friday. Sex?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
