she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
