I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
