it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
