you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
