I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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