By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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