I like to think it a success when the cops are called
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
