pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
