I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just had sex on a roof
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
