I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
