He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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