i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
