Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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