we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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