I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
