I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
