I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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