It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
