This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hippo gnu deer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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