She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
