Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
