Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my shit smells like andre
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
