Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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