Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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