i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
