i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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