I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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