Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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