If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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