And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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