I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
