oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
