I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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