I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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