Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
