my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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