New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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